There are some people that are so afraid of getting hurt that they will not put themselves out there. They don’t believe that relationships ever last and therefore remain very guarded. Some might even refer to them as “prickly” like a porcupine. Of course, we all know that those porcupine needles are a defensive mechanism, and what is really going on is that deep down inside there is a very vulnerable child with unhealed wounds.
Despite what some might think, those of us willing to expose our vulnerable sides are not stupid, naive or overly optimistic. It is not that we have never been hurt, or that we always see the glass as half full while others see it as half empty. As one of my closest friends aptly pointed out the other day, “the whole point is that the glass is refillable.”
The difference between those that close themselves off and those that remain open to letting others in is that those in the latter category have managed to process their loss. What you need to remember is the following:
1. You need to grieve the disappointment of a relationship that you thought had potential;
2. It is not about fault. Rather it’s important to recognize that each person has a different capacity to love, often with varying expectations of what they want in life and a partner; and
3. Don’t feel stupid because things didn’t work out. Instead be proud that you were willing to put yourself out there and give it a shot.
Those that think nothing ventured means nothing lost have completely missed the mark. There are so many wonderful experiences that they will miss out on, but their myopic view will never let them appreciate this fact, or they might resign themselves to believing that they are not worthy of being loved. But we are all worthy of love, and as long as we realize that nothing ventured means nothing gained we will continue to find the necessary courage to experience life to its fullest.
By Regina A. DeMeo, Esq.