We all have different deal-breakers, and some we may realize right away, others we only learn over time, by dating people that trigger a viceral reaction within us. The beauty of having a ready-made list is that it will spare you and the other person from wasting each other’s time. Here are the top 5 dealbreakers I hear about most often:
1. Drama queens– Few of us want drama in our personal lives– especially those of us that already have to deal with this enough during the day. After an intense day at work, most people want to come home to peace and enjoy some down time with their loved ones.
2. Narcissists– Who wants to be with someone that is totally self-absorbed? A healthy partnership requires two people that can take each other’s thoughts and feelings into consideration; you need two people that are willing to explore options and negotiate compromises. Someone that lacks thoughtfulness and can only focus on his/her own wants and desires is not going to be a very good partner.
3. Control freaks– Those that always want to be the one in power, make all the decisions, and have their will reign over others tend to view everything as a power struggle. We already have to deal with this during the day, who wants to deal with this on our off hours? Also, most of us in the Western world were raised with democratic beliefs. To live with a dictator goes against all our fundamental beliefs, and sooner or later, there will be an uprising.
4. Players– Obviously we all have to start off by playing the game, but some of us are able to focus when someone worthwhile comes along, and others have a problem committing to anyone. Those that are addicted to playing the field, who always have a wandering eye, are never going to be ones you can trust.
5. Cling-Ons– These are the ones who fail to respect boundaries. Most of us need our own space, some more than others. Those that are super clingy and needy have a hard time giving others their space. They tend to be insecure and become paranoid. At first their attention may seem flattering, but it does eventually grow old and annoying, especially when you just want a day to yourself and they cannot get it.
Over the last several years, I have sadly suffered through dates with all of these, and far worse. The good thing is my ability to play 20 questions has become sharper than ever, and I can now cut through crap at the speed of light. Hopefully with this list in mind, you can too! Just remember, the bad dates not only serve as learning experiences, they also help you appreciate a normal human being when s/he comes along. 🙂
By Regina A. DeMeo, Esq.
