A recent study says that the average couple spends 42 minutes having sex, and the normal frequency is 1-3 times a week.  That may seem low, but keep in mind that people at various ages have different energy levels, and there is a wide range among individuals with respect to their sex drives and stamina.  Now, I’m not about to tell what category I fall into, but I am going to tell you this: one of the clearest signs that your relationship is in trouble is when you are not at least meeting the minimum average of making love once a week.

We all get tired from work, dealing with our kids, etc. but if you cannot even find 42 minutes a week to have an intimate moment with your partner, what does that really say about your priorities? We all need to feel loved and wanted. There is no greater crush to someone’s ego than feeling rejected by your own partner. I believe the opposite also holds true– there is no greater boost to your ego than knowing that there is this amazing person that has chosen to give up all other options out there to be with you, just you. To touch someone in a way that no one else can– know exactly what they like, how they like it, and provide them with overwhelming joy and satisfaction– even if only for 42 minutes in a week– it is an amazing gift.

Play into each other’s fantasies, be open about what you want and need. Be creative, come up with story lines, dress up (or down) and change it up a bit– the point is have fun and let go of your inhibitions.  Who cares what you do in your own bedroom? Sex is a HUGE part of a healthy marriage– so if you see an issue developing in this department, don’t try to minimize this or ignore the problem. You need to have candid talks about sex with your partner, not strangers online, and tap into that creative side of your brains to find new ways to keep each other happy.

The importance of sex in an intimate relationship can not be overstated.  It is normal and healthy to want to feel a deep connection with the one you love, and when you can make someone feel like they are on fire, you will both share in an out of this world experience that truly helps put everything else in perspective.  All your troubles should melt away when you have nothing but pure joy in your heart, and there is simply no replacement for that natural high that you should both experience together.

If you cannot relate to what I’ve just said, I really don’t even know what to say.  But for those of you that get it, please don’t let life’s burdens creep into your bedroom.  Keep that as your sanctuary and don’t let that passionate flame burnout.  Do whatever you need to do to keep that fire alive– it’s actually a key component to making it all last.

By Regina A. DeMeo, Esq.