Over the last 14 years as a divorce lawyer, I’ve seen a lot of crap. The worst, however, is when someone is blind-sided by the divorce. It may seem hard to believe, but some spouses had no idea that anything was wrong, and to add insult to injury the other spouse often leaves without ever giving an explanation.
Maybe those that quietly exit are trying to avoid a confrontation or want to spare the other person from any unpleasantness that may bubble to the surface during a last encounter. Perhaps the goal is to not say anything further to hurt the other, but the fact is that if you leave a person in the dark as to what went wrong, you leave that person always wondering, always doubting, and perhaps preventing them from ever being able to move forward.
How can you learn from your mistakes if no one ever tells you what you are doing wrong? Whether it is a friend, relative or lover that I have walked away from, I have always tried to give some insight as to why the relationship is being terminated. There are ways to have these discussions without obliterating the other person’s ego– you may have to prep for it, think in advance of what you need to say, as well as what doesn’t need to be said.
No doubt these talks are hard, but there is no crueler punishment in my opinion that to end a long-term relationship without explanation. Perhaps you may not be ready to have it right away, we all need time to calm down sometimes and gain perspective, but at some point, it is the humane thing to do.
By Regina A. DeMeo, Esq.