Too often I think we let things go, and we keep letting more things go, until one day, magically, we hit this boiling point, and it all comes spilling out. At that point, you can’t go on ignoring issues and you need to focus, because now it is decision time– what are you going to do about this problem?

In the past, whenever I hit this boiling point, my M.O. was to walk away. Filled with immense disappointment and void of any hope, I would leave and go set for a new course. I’ve done it since I was 8– learned to cut people out and relied on my extroverted nature to find some new and interesting connections. This is exactly why I became so good so fast at being the handmaiden of death in the divorce world. But something really funny happened a few years ago, I realized that others did not actually share my view of the boiling point. Mediators, psychologist, and Collaborative Professionals see a crisis moment as an opportunity for families to address unresolved issues- rather than run from conflict, they embrace it. They took me under their tutelage, and I discovered a whole new way of thinking– at least when it comes to family ties.

For the last few years, I’ve embraced the crisis moment in a whole new way with my clients, and in the last few years this approach has spilled over into my family life. I have to admit, the boiling point still sucks when it happens, but when you appreciate the ties that bind you, and you realize that walking away is not an option, then amazingly plenty really can find a way to work things out. Maybe not overnight, and maybe not at all the way anyone thought it would play out, but I have to say, I’m enjoying having a lot less blood on my hands these days. Don’t get me wrong, the handmaiden of death is not at all retired, but her softer side is shining more brightly these days.