We all fall in love for different reasons and in different ways, but there is definitely a distinct pattern that we all follow when things go south. How do I know? Because I’ve seen this every single day for the last 15 years as people explain to me how they find themselves in my office talking about divorce. The fact is rarely do marriages or committed relationships unravel overnight– it is usually a slow but steady build up of dissatisfaction. Finally, an event will occur that may in itself seem insignificant, and yet it becomes the final straw that breaks the camel’s back.
Here are the top 10 signs (which I posted a while back) that you are getting ready to blow:
1. When things you once found funny about that person are now annoying;
2. When making plans becomes a chore;
3. When you have lost interest in being intimate;
4. When your eyes start to wander, or worse;
5. When receiving texts, emails or calls becomes annoying, and you cannot bear to deal with responding;
6. When finding a gift for a special occassion becomes an overwhelming burden;
7. When that person has ceased to make you feel loved or special;
8. When you no longer care whether you connect or not;
9. When you have become two ships passing in the night, not even exchanging basic pleasantries; and
10. When you no longer like the person you have become in the relationship.
If you dread going home and find excuses to work late– ask yourself, what is really going on? When the world outside feels safer than your own home, which is supposed to be a sanctuary, you’ve got a serious problem at hand. The ostrich syndrome will not work, it never does, so I’m all for trying to address the issues, but 9 out of 10 times things are well beyond repair if you are already experiencing 5 or more of the symptoms described above.
Is it easy to leave? Of course not, but you only have one life. How will you ever find true love or at least happiness and peace while you allow yourself to remain a prisoner in a situation devoid of love or passion? And as a parent, more importantly, you have to ask yourself what kind of example are you setting for your kids? If they see you remaining stuck in a crappy situation– how will they ever find the courage to find their own wings and fly?
One day, maybe I’ll find a companion that will fly along side me, but until that day comes, it is my ongoing labor of love to help my child and my clients grow their own wings. The key is overcoming the fear of flight– after that, each one of us can develop an appropriate flight pattern that is right for us.
By Regina A. DeMeo, Esq.