We’ve all heard of beer goggles– at least I hope I don’t need to explain that one. But I’m not sure everyone is aware of what I jokingly refer to as “sex-goggles.” Let’s face it, once you start sleeping with someone, you just don’t see things clearly. Hormones are now raging, and if the sex is pretty good, we’ve all had a tendency to cut someone a bit too much slack because, well to put it bluntly they’re good in the sack. But that can only last for so long…
No matter how good someone is, after a while, you just can’t ignore their personality or issues in the relationship, and there just comes a point when you need to smash those sex-goggles in order to see things clearly. For the longest time, we used to joke about guys being p-whipped. Well, I’m sure it can happen in the reverse too… so should we called that d-whipped? Who cares–the point is that we all need to remember that no one’s privates are made of gold, and there are plenty of skilled lovers out there, so you can’t let a good lay keep you trapped in a dysfunctional relationship.
We all know to take our time when finding the right fit with a potential employer, and it is drilled into us early on that we need to do our due diligence before we invest our money. When we are looking for that perfect job or investment, we research the company’s mission, vision and values to make sure they align with our own. Well, the same approach should be applied to a life partner.
If you care about charitable causes and believe that your work brings you meaning- can you really be with someone long-term that does not share these values? If you are the type that wants to enjoy life, and you don’t care so much about saving– can you really make it work with someone that is pinching pennies all the time? If you are assertive and want to confront issues as they arise, can you really respect someone who is passive and avoids difficult conversations? If you are the type that wants to save the world, can you really make it last with someone who just wants to save his/her own skin? In my opinion, these opposites are doomed from the beginning, but it may take them awhile to figure it out because they are blinded by those stupid sex goggles.
Good friends don’t let friends drive drunk, and I sincerely hope we can adopt this same attitude to when our friends fall in love. We need to ask our loved ones whether they are truly happy and satisified. What are they getting out of this relationship? Have they thought things through carefully? Do they have a backup plan in case things don’t work out? Are they sacrificing too much of themselves? Are they moving too quickly? It’s not about creating doubt– it is about being the voice of reason, until they can view their own reality through a more sober lens.
By Regina A. DeMeo, Esq.