Sometimes, we only see what we want to see, and we are incapable of seeing what everyone else around us can see. My dad told me that a few years ago, and it has stuck with me ever since– especially when I’m asked to weigh in on the dating scene.
I’m not quite sure why this happens, but somehow it is incredibly common for someone to miss the signs that the person they are with is just not that into them. Here are some examples of what you need to watch out for:
1. My work/travel schedule is just so hectic, that’s why I can’t see you more than once a month.
2. I’m at a place in my life where I really can’t commit to anything- don’t take it personally.
3. Well, maybe I could see us moving forward, but you really need to move closer, this distance/commute is a real pain.
4. Can we change your wardrobe around a bit?
5. Have you thought about getting a personal trainer or getting a makeover?
6. Will you let me help you redecorate?
7. Since I don’t have anything in common with your close friends, can you just hang with them on your own time?
What do these things tell you??? This person clearly isn’t interested in making you a priority and/or doesn’t accept the package being presented, and so you have two choices: 1) try to change because you really want that guy or gal, or 2) you can gracefully exit with your self-esteem intact before things get too far. I highly recommend the latter tactic, although it might sting short-term, in the long run you will be happy you preserved your reputation and dignity.
For reasons I cannot fully explain, I’ve never let anyone try to change me, and luckily my past loves that remain in my life taught me well as to what to expect in a healthy relationship. Sadly, I understand that not everyone has had a positive experience of what love should look like, so here is my humble attempt at shedding some light on this subject: Love is when someone accepts you for who you are– faults and all. There is no need to be together, in fact it may not even make any sense at all, but there is a deep and mutual want– a desire that just conquers all doubts. Overtime, as you build mutual trust and respect, you also develop a deep understanding for one another, and there may even come a point where you realize one very painful fact– that you cannot meet that person’s need for how s/he wants to be loved. And if/when that moment comes, true love is about letting go– you need to let that person go so that they can find the love they deserve.
The truth is that love is complicated, but dating should not be a hassle– if it is, most likely the problem is simply that s/he is just not that into you.
By Regina A. DeMeo, Esq.