Have you ever felt like you were on a roller coaster ride while dating someone? Believe me- this happens a lot. I don’t know where Lionel Richie and Diana Ross got their inspiration for they lyrics to “Endless Love,” but let me tell you what I hear about more and more each week are cases of a love bi-polar, which Katy Perry so eloquently described as follows:
You’re hot, then you’re cold
You’re yes, then you’re no
You’re in, then you’re out
You’re up, then you’re down
You’re wrong when it’s right
It’s black and it’s white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
Does this sound crazy? That is because it is, and if this is your current situation, I just have 2 words of (non-legal) advice: GET OUT.
Love is supposed to make you feel warm, safe, and calm. You should feel soothed when you are around your partner, not like you are walking on egg shells. For those that need help understanding this phenomenon I highly recommend this book by Paul Mason & Randi Kreger: Stop Walking On Eggshells.
Many people feel stupid for getting into one of these relationships, but they shouldn’t– a lot of high conflict personalities do a wonderful job of hiding their dysfunctional traits in the beginning, and especially when you are young and naive, you may not fully appreciate the depth of someone’s mental illness. And while it is sad that someone may be sick, you really have to question if that is something you want to live with– because it is kind of like being around someone with the flu, eventually you too will get sick.
Seriously, if you want a thrill ride, go to an amusement park, but DO NOT put up with roller coaster rides in your relationships. If you need help setting boundaries, there are some great books and counselors that can help with this, and if you find that the other person doesn’t respect your boundaries, well then, you need to find a way to end it.
These bipolar relationships are unfortunately quite common, and very unhealthy. I’ll tell you this- no will ever fault you for leaving, the real question is why would you stay? Life is simply too short to go around walking on eggshells– that’s not what love is like at all. We all deserve far, far better.
By Regina A. DeMeo, Esq.