Have you ever found yourself wondering what you could do differently to make someone like you more? Or have you thought to yourself how great someone would be if you could just help them change a few things? Hmm, we’ve all stupidly thought these things at some point or another, but when it comes to finding a life partner, we cannot allow ourselves to think this way. Instead, we need to focus on finding someone that appreciates us just the way we are.
Now, everyone is entitled to his/her own opinion, just don’t let that phase you too much. Here is why: according to my son, I am (1) too neat; (2) care too much about what other’s think; (3) study too much and (4) don’t know how to chill. While all of these may be true from his perspective, there are plenty of others who appreciate these very same qualities that drive him (and his dad) nuts. So who is right? They all are– because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and this is exactly why one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. I’m not saying any of us are trash, but I am saying we’ve all been rejected by someone for certain attributes only to later find another that finds those very same qualities absolutely endearing. The key then is to find those that love you and all your quirks, not despite those quirks.
If you try to change for someone, then you are not being your true self, and you are bound to grow resentful. Meanwhile if you try to change someone else, you are probably going to wind up grossly disappointed because that never works not in the long run. Just remember the lyrics from Billy Joel’s song “Just the Way You Are.” The very first lines say “don’t go changing to try and please me.” Wise advice, just easier said then done.
It is hard to not try and change others, and others will always try to change us to fit their needs. Now maybe for my son’s sake, I’ll tone down my neatness standards, or how much I care about what other’s think, maybe I’ll even be more goofy and try to chill more– but that is because he is a child who had no choice in getting paired up with me, and it is my job as a parent to try to understand him and make his life a little bit easier. But with a life partner, I think we should all hold out for that one that finds us beautiful, just the way we are.
By Regina A. DeMeo, Esq.