After a bad break-up, it’s normal for feelings of disappointment, sadness, anger or betrayal to linger for a while. It’s okay to vent these feelings with those you trust, or write them in a journal until finally you’ve got it all out of your system. But hopefully at some point you realize enough is enough– you have to move on, and to do that you need let go of all those heavy thoughts weighing you down!

How do you move on? Well, first you have to train your brain to stop dwelling in negativity. To break a negative loop, you have to change your focus to more positive things. Try engaging in activities that make you happy like going for a nice long walk or run, catching up with family  and friends, and treat yourself to a day at the spa or a little shopping therapy.  Go on a trip if you need to escape your present environment for a bit, and during whatever down time you can find pick up some inspiring books and put on some soothing music while you breath in the soft scent of candles or incense and surround yourself with a positive vibe.

Try to start your day with 2 minutes of silence and think of at least 3 things you are grateful for in life.  Then throughout your day, keep redirecting your brain away from negative thoughts.  Stay present rather than dwell in the past and what could’ve been or should’ve been– what difference does it make what you might glimpse in your rear view mirror?  The next part of your journey is ahead of you, not behind you.

If you find there are others in your life dragging you down, gracefully try to minimize contact with them.  And if your surroundings are not allowing you to enjoy peace and quiet, implement whatever changes you need to turn your home into a tranquil sanctuary that allows your spirit to breath and rest.  Like it or not, this will involve some purging on your part– including all closets, basements, garages, storage units, whatever.  All the junk in your life has to go.  This is an essential part of the healing process.

When it’s all said and done, you will feel an incredible sense of accomplishment.  Getting to that point, however may take a while.  To be perfectly candid in addition to years of working with a life coach on some of my emotional baggage, it’s took me 4 years to empty out an old storage unit full of junk that I stashed while my last condo was on the market.   (BTW, that is an amazing confession for someone many consider a “neat-freak”).  So my point is two-fold: first, we all have crap even if it’s not in plain sight.  Second, sorting through all our crap is an ongoing work in progress.  Just take it in baby steps, at whatever pace works for you, and don’t stress yourself out with unrealistic deadlines.

Eventually, you will get through it all with an immense feeling of pride and satisfaction that simply will continue to elude those who opt not to deal with their emotional baggage or extraneous crap and instead blame their situations on others or “bad luck.”  You get to choose the kind of person you want to be.


By Regina A. DeMeo