This week, my son was learning about oxymorons. When asked what my favorite one is, I kind of chuckled as I replied “common sense.” Why is it called that when in fact it isn’t at all common?
I suppose I should not complain too much because I realize it is people’s failure to use proper judgment that keeps me in business as a divorce lawyer. I also realize that unlike most, I have had the benefit of many trainings, seminars, and countless psychology books that have helped me understand the importance of communicating emotions and applying appropriate conflict resolution skills. When you are mad, you need to ask yourself why you are mad and try your best not to lash back. How is pouring fuel on a fire going to help the situation? It’s not– it will only make things worse.
In the heat of an argument, people resort to either fight or flee mode. Just picture a wounded animal– either it will retreat or attack; humans are the same way. Sadly, two great people may just not make a great team– especially if they can’t fight well. The rules of engagement are simple, but many seem to lose sight of the big picture when they get caught up in squabbles and the daily stresses of life.
In the end, it should be obvious that you shouldn’t have to put up with non-sense in a healthy relationship. Indeed, there is a simple line in a song that sums up what I consider to be common sense in love: try not to hurt another person’s heart, and don’t put up with those that do.
By Regina A. DeMeo, Esq.