Years ago, I remember watching incredulously as the events unfolded in the 1993 movie Indecent Proposal with Robert Redford, Demi Moore and Woody Harrelson, and then it happened to me. While in Vegas a few years back, a man actually came up to my date and asked him what it would take for him to walk away with a girl like me. I remember laughing at the moment, but honestly I don’t think that guy was joking. I chalked it up to being in Sin City, but let me tell you the indecent proposals have not stopped since then, and I guess what I’ve learned is that guys are really not shy about just putting it all out there, and it is up to the female receiving the request to hit the brakes if a situation is not going in a direction she is comfortable with.
We all have different thresholds for what we can tolerate, and I’m not here to pass any judgment. I just want to make sure you think through the offers presented– and it is far easier if you have thought these through ahead of time so you can nip things in the bud. Here are 5 common scenarios I run into & avoid like the plague:
1. Married Guys– We hear this ALL the time, they can’t leave because of the kids, but it is a loveless situation, blah, blah, blah. Seriously? Walk away fast. This is NOT a situation worth getting into– this is messy and the drama isn’t worth it– there are plenty of other guys out there with the same package and far less heartache.
2. Recently Single– These guys are not into anything serious, can’t deal with making commitments, etc. because of course, they are in the mending process. Totally get it, in fact I’ve been there myself many times, but once I’m in a better place, I really don’t need to be someone’s crutch. Find a friends with benefit situation or sex surrogate to get you through your tough times, and call me when you are ready to be real.
3. Inappropriate Age– I get it, people think I’m in my 30’s with the brain of someone in her 50’s so I get guys in their early 30s into those in their early 60’s asking me out, and let me be honest– that is way too big of a range. I don’t want to date someone old enough to be my dad, and I really don’t want to be a craddle-robber either. I am sticking to a 10 year age range- late 30’s to late 40’s works for me (unless you happen to be 34 and look like Jason Stathom– we can always make an exception there.) Whatever floats your boat, set your own parameters and stick to them.
4. Geographically Undesirable– So let me get this straight, you live in Boston, Cali or in some farm 2 hours outside the DC Area, but you honestly think we should get it on? Really? Unless you are Donald Trump giving me access to your private helicopter, I’m just not willing to go outside a reasonable radius for some P.O.A.
5. Mama’s Boys– These are the ones who are looking for someone to take care of them. They are usually seeking a divorced mom, who clearly exhibits the care-taking traits that attract them. Well here is a news flash– I did not put myself through law school to take care of anyone, except my son. I don’t expect anyone to take care of me, and why on God’s green Earth would I want to be tasked with taking care of someone else’s sorry butt?
I actually have filtered a lot in this blog, but I can’t emphasize enough how common indecent proposals are, so I’d recommend practicing the art of letting someone down gently. I’ve been working hard on this one over the last 8 years, and what I found works best is to just blame myself for lacking the ability to meet their request. It’s like that Seinfeld episode where they emphasize, “it’s not you, it’s me.”
In the end, I’ve been highly entertained the last few years, together with many of my married friends who have lived vicariously through my stories, which are hysterical. And actually, that is the best piece of advice I can share here– no matter what the indecent proposal is, you just need to laugh.
People are funny.
By Regina A. DeMeo, Esq.