A few months ago, the Atlantic had a piece about our “hookup culture,” and it summed things up so beautifully: Compatability isn’t even all that important. Amusement, affection, affirming attention, sexual fulfilllment, the ever-elusive “fun”- that’s what we’re after.
Those that are immersed in this culture are not dating on a mission to get married or settle down– the only mission is to have a good time, so whether you share the same values or vision for the future is irrelevant. In the pursuit of hedonism, it’s all about enjoying yourself in the present.
Personally, I think many go through phases– there may be times where you are interested in being in a committed relationship, and then you will screen differently for the right long-term partner, whereas other times, you may not want anything serious, and you just want someone with all the right parts and a great attitude.
In the hookup mindframe, for most guys, if you are at the right place at the right time and look good, that’s good enough for them. For women– especially those of us with a profession that are completely self sufficient (except for one key body part that guys have), you need a little bit more than that. Here’s a clue into what most of my peers think is hot, and what’s not:
1. Humor– Do you appreciate irony? If you can make me laugh while showing off your wit, that’s awesome. Being slap stick silly, not so much.
2. Accomplished– What have you done with your life? I dig those that have really made the most out of their years here on Earth. Those that can convey their success in an understated manner are rare– and yet that is super hot. Meanwhile those that flaunt their junk, not so much.
3. Good Conversation– It is so intoxicating when you can go deep with someone in intense subjects, and if you can take a different point of view yet hold your own, that is super cool. If you just want to keep it light and fluffy, you are so going to lose my interest– fast.
4. Going Out on a Limb– Everyone likes to play it safe, act cool– I get it. But if you want the girl, you are going to have to do more than the bare minimum. The stupid “hey” text isn’t winning you any points. Putting yourself out there, now that’s how you truly get on my radar.
5.Compliments– We all need positive words of affirmation, some more than others. If this doesn’t come naturally to you, try to work on it. A little effort will go a long way– and for the love of God, don’t be shallow and say something stupid like, “I love your smile.” WTF? For it to count, you have to make it real– otherwise spare me the need to refrain from rolling my eyes.
I think these 5 basic pointers should come easily to guys playing the game, but then again one of my dear guy friends recently did refer to me as a rubik’s cube, and when I asked what he meant by that he said, “just when you think you’ve got one side figured out, you find out there’s 5 other sides with complicated moving parts.” Well, what can I say? Quality things don’t come cheap or easily, and same is true for people. 🙂
By Regina A. DeMeo, Esq.