We’ve all had this experience– when you cross over from caring immensely about someone (whether it is a male or female friend) to having complete apathy. What does this look like? Well, when you don’t even care to ask that person how their day went, truly because you just don’t care. That my friends is the point of no return.
It is sad that this happens, but it is a normal part of life. As the saying goes, some people come into your life for a specific reason, or maybe just a season, but very few are life long friends. And because we are not all knowing, it is okay to sometimes miscategorize someone– everyone does it, but what sets so many people apart is how they recover from this situation– do they learn from their mistakes and move forward or do they wallow in self pity and harbor grudges? Do they spread rumors like venom or take the high road? I know it is not always easy, especially when someone has acted particularly cold and inhumanely, but try as much as you can to plow ahead with your dignity and grace intact.
People always wonder why I have such a good relationship with several of my exs, including my ex-husband, and honestly the best answer I can give you is that with every single one of these people I never crossed over into complete apathy. I actually do still care about these individuals and enjoy catching up with them. I do wish them well, and I’m geninuely happy to hear when they enjoy some new success or milestone in their lives. Just because we weren’t right for each other doesn’t mean we can’t remain connected as friends, and that is quite normal I think– especially if you once held each other in such high regard that you decided to get married and start a family together.
I did not get to write my son the love story I intended to write for him, but maybe the one that unfolded is actually better– this child understands that relationships are complicated, and that although his parents were once very much in love, they simply could not live together. He knows we both love him and that he can count on both of us. He appreciates our different strengths and has definitely learned from both of our examples that it is better to live alone than in poor company.
In tonight’s show, I get to discuss the behind the scenes story behind my children’s book, “Gina the Gymnast,” which was my son’s idea, and it is dedicated to him. The best part was his reaction to the book, which he now deems as proof that he is my sensei. Indeed, he has taught me so much this past decade, and it is a great honor that he considers me his samurai.
Ironically, these days most see me more as a sensei than a samurai, and I’m totally okay with that. In that vein, let me just end with this– life is full of love and loss, the two go hand in hand, and as much as we would all like to avoid severing ties, sometimes the most humane thing to do is to recognize that you have gone beyond the point of no return. When you get there, be gentle yet swift in your exit causing the least amount of collateral damage possible– especially when little eyes are watching.
By Regina A. DeMeo, Esq.