Have you recycled someone from the past, only to find that the same issues come up? Or do you keep dating the same kind of person, hitting the same dead end road after a few months? Don’t beat yourself up, we’ve all done it. Why? Because it is safe, familiar, and comfortable. But when you get tired of this same thing happening over and over again, be honest with yourself– it is not that the world is full of only this one type of person, it is YOU that are responsible for attracting the same kind of person. So if you want to change things up, you are the one that has to alter a few things:
1. What are your must-haves and can’t stand? Perhaps the things you thought mattered a lot really aren’t as important? Maybe looks aren’t as important as IQ points. Maybe you can broaden your horizons with respect to age, religion, or acceptable occupations. Maybe a 10 mile radius can be expanded to 20?
2. How are you meeting your matches? Instead of sticking to just one dating site, or relying solely on Divine Intervention to meet a mate, try mixing things up a bit. There are tons of websites, activity-based groups, Meetups, alumni events, charity fundraisers– you just never know where you will meet someone, so try a variety of options.
3. What image or vibe are you giving off? People can smell desperation a mile away– and we run from it like the plague. Sexy is having your sh*t together, and being okay exactly where you are in life. There is no faking this fact, so if you have to work out some issues for yourself first, then do it. Confidence makes you shine– just don’t go to the extreme of being cocky, that’s not hot.
A while back when I was in one of my moods, complaining about the dearth of good men, one of my male friends that enjoys hunting and fishing asked me this: when you have actually gone fishing, do you always expect to catch a fish? I said, “no of course not, it’s always just a pleasant surprise.” He smiled then and said, “exactly. We hunt and fish for the pure joy of the experience- the actual capture is just icing on the cake.” This my friends is excellent advice.
Ultimately, dating is an on-going process of trial and error, so be patient and keep an open mind. You will not always go fishing and catch a fish, but enjoy the journey. However, if you find that the pond you’re fishing in is polluted– don’t try to cleanse the pond, go review questions 1-3 above and find yourself a new pond!
By Regina A. DeMeo, Esq.