Generally speaking, guys think women are super complicated and very emotional. Generally speaking, I happen to agree with them, although there are always some exceptions. So, every day I have to teach people to stop telling me about their feelings and stick to the facts. It’s not that I don’t care about feelings, it’s just that in the legal world we see that emotions cloud judgment, and we are bound to uphold an objective standard of fairness, not one person’s opinion of what is right or wrong.
In litigation, which is a field dominated by men (or women who think like men), we care about evidence and facts. If you are going to accuse someone of anything- what do you have to support your position? In settlement talks, we focus on solving the present issue, not re-hashing the past. In court, where it is a battle of wits, the winner is not the one who shouts the loudest, but rather the one who can articulate his/her points most eloquently.
Outside the courtroom, I’ve found the same principles apply– if I present my case in a calm, logical manner, guys will listen. With men, the delivery of your message matters A LOT.
-If you make a request (not a demand) they will want to help because they enjoy being Mr. Fix It.
-If you seek their input (and don’t try impose your opinion) they will share their thoughts on a variety of issues.
-If you explain why you might be upset (instead of just acting out like a 3 year old) they will apologize and try to make things better.
Meanwhile, if you come across as some demanding nag, shrew or volatile bitch, it is game over. They will just shut down, and although you may think you’ve won the battle, you don’t see that you are losing the war because inside, they are retreating. Your emotions are repelling them, and with each emotional outburst, you are pushing them farther and farther away.
I whole-heartedly admit that I’m siding with the guys here– women (and some incredibly emotional men) need to discipline their emotions. Try to picture yourself like Jackie O or Grace Kelly, and act accordingly, no matter how trying the situation may be. Here is why: for those of us that are genetically pre-disposed to be hunters, we focus most of our attention on making sure there is food and shelter, and after that, we just want to have some fun. It’s not going to play well if you threaten or want to trap us, because we know we can fend for ourselves. We don’t need to be with anyone, instead we are with someone simply because we desire his/her company. If something ceases to be fun, sooner or later we’ll find it’s time to move on.
So, ladies, if you want to keep your guy, you need to think more like one:
(1) Focus first on providing for yourself, and don’t chase after a bone. There are plenty of Richards out there.
(2) Have fun, and don’t ever mistake a boy-toy for anything more than what he is– remember, you don’t ever have to buy the pig for a little sausage. 🙂
(3) Discipline those emotions, and make women like Lady Di proud!
By Regina A. DeMeo, Esq.