A while back I read that divorce is like an amputation because a part of your life is being cut out, and as I read that I thought to myself, “yeah, except I don’t have any anesthesia to help others numb the pain.”  I also have no idea how long it is going to take each person to heal– some mend at warped speed, while others may never fully recover from this devastating blow.

Very much like a doctor, my clients come to me in pain.  They are often anxious, depressed, scared, humiliated and filled with dread.  All these feelings are normal, and everyone has one thing in common– they are terrified of the unknown.  At least after our first meeting they have a better sense of the landscape that lies ahead.  I teach them about the law, we go over their options, and I give them my best advice on how to proceed given the facts they’ve presented to me.  Once they make a choice on how to move forward, there are a lot of variables that can play out, and unfortunately much will depend on how the other person reacts.

Have you heard the song “It Takes Two” by DJ EZ Rock & Rob Base?  Well, my favorite lyrics are “it takes two to make a thing go right… it takes two to make it out of sight.”  Truer words have never been spoken– and not only does it apply to maintaining a good partnership, it also applies to break-ups.  Every day I see people rally for their kids– they put their own anger or sadness aside to end things peacefully and create a smooth transition for their children.  Indeed, this was the case in my own divorce many years ago, and I have no doubt that my clients come to me because they want me to help them replicate a similar situation for them.

Litigating for over a decade now, I’ve seen a lot of blood baths in my time, and I believe it is my duty to find the tourniquet to stop the hemorrhaging as quickly as possible– not only because I don’t want my client to flat line on me, but I actually prefer to avoid being covered in blood.   But not all lawyers feel the same way, and many try to sugarcoat the harsh realities of litigation, which I believe is a huge disservice to everyone involved.

Divorce is going to hurt, plain and simple.  It impacts you financially, emotionally and socially.  In the process you will learn exactly how much pain you can tolerate, and when it’s all over some will actually pull out ten times stronger– these are the ones with a good education and solid support system; the ones willing to put in the hard work to minimize the damages for all those involved won’t just survive, I’ve seen them thrive. Now, finding a lawyer that shares this goal is critical– so do your homework.

Avoid going to a butcher for this delicate amputation, and in the meantime, I’ll keep searching for that anesthesia.

By Regina A. DeMeo, Esq.