When things are falling apart, people are at their worst– they are scared, anxious, angry, and deeply disappointed in the present set of circumstances that they find themselves in. It is my job as the attorney to calm things down, give them a roadmap, and help them see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Most of my divorce cases are concluded within 12 months, and after observing my clients cycle through the grief process for almost two decades now, I’ve definitely picked up on 5 patterns of behavior that all healthy people demonstrate while coping through this difficult transition phase:

1. Stay Healthy– you need to eat right, exercise and get plenty of rest. If you feel something is wrong, don’t delay in seeking medical care, including checking in with a mental health professional to help you process your loss.

2. Rely on others– your family and friends that love you want to help you, even if it is just cooking a meal for you, keeping you company, and providing emotional support for you during a difficult time.

3. Set Goals– whether it is an immediate need to find new housing or a new job, you tackle the important tasks critical to your family’s survival first, and then you allow yourself to dream a bit and plan fun projects or a trip you’ve be longing to take for some time.

4. Be Organized– usually those that have everything in order aren’t frazzled by the divorce process and any requests made for documents. Less work for the attorneys also helps reduce their legal fees, and it can really expedite a case.

5. Stay Positive– those that remain optimistic about life and humanity seem to weather the storms the best and bounce back from adversity in what sometimes appears to be superhuman speed. There is no doubt that their positive attitude attracts positive energy from others, who help ensure that good things come their way.

So, if you can embrace these 5 healthy behaviors, I think you will find yourself quickly on the path to recovery. Remember, we all suffer setbacks, but it is a personal choice as to whether you let those setbacks define you. My daily choice (which is not easy as a divorced, divorce lawyer) is to try and forget the bad, and focus on the good.


By Regina A. DeMeo, Esq.