A year ago, I flew to Miami to take a DNA test and meet my extended family. Flying down by myself was really hard, and it was even harder to keep it together while knocking on a stranger's door not knowing what to expect when I walked through that doorway. One of my friends described it best when he said, "you went down that rabbit hole all by yourself not knowing what to expect." It was a lot like Alice in Wonderland last year-- a journey into bizarro world with no one around to ground me, and that is how I learned the true meaning of true inner strength. Looking back, I have no regrets and could not be happier with how things have turned out. I still have my brother's first email, entitled "what to even say?" It is so hard to believe it has only been a year since he has been in my life-- he is the most amazing and beautiful man I have ever allowed into my world, and now it just seems like he's been a part of it for far, far longer than just a year.So here I am, one year later, heading back to visit my family-- and this time, I am not making the journey all alone. I never would have predicted [...]

For the last 13 years, it has been my job to mitigate people's damages in a custody/divorce action and control the risks. It is well-known within my industry that the best way to do this is to avoid court, and everyone also knows that only about 5% of all cases ever go to trial. So, it is very normal for more seniored attorneys, who have the family's best interest at heart, to start to promote settlement upfront in cases, precisely because we want to minimize the losses and reduce the risks for our clients.This week, I was a part of two very favorable settlements, which brought me great joy. At the same time, I was quite saddened to learn from some of my colleagues that they were under the mistaken impression that I no longer litigate. Let me be very clear-- I do still litigate, and in fact over half my cases are still contested cases. While I enjoy mediating and collaborating, I realize that it is not for everyone, and it takes two willing participants to agree to pursue a settlement process outside of court.So, now ironically, I find myself in the role of mitigating my own damages-- so if you hear that I am no longer going to court, I hope you will correct that mistaken assumption. I [...]

As lawyers, we are trained early on to stick to facts, memorize as much information as possible to support your case, and don't let emotions get in the way. We are breed to win arguments, especially those of us that litigate. It is a gift, but it is also a curse.At work, I need to help people detach from their emotions so they can make sound decisions. Off the clock, however, we need to remember that emotions are a normal part of being human, and we cannot just dismiss people's feelings. Whether someone is expressing feelings that make sense to us or not, their emotions are quite real to them, and trying to minimize them might truly make the other person feel completely devalued or marginalized.Believe it or not, emotions are not easy for me to process. It is a work in progress, but what I do realize is that if the true prize is winning someone's love, then it really doesn't matter whether I win every argument. In fact doing so probably works against me. In a relationship, we all want to be heard and feel validated. If the ultimate prize is lasting love, you need to learn to pick your battles. Easier said than done for some of us, but it is totally worth the effort!

This week, I had the pleasure of attending a fundraiser for The Esperanza Education Fund, which is a non-profit that raises scholarship funds to distribute to immigrant students in the DC Area. They rely solely on volunteers to help with outreach, grant writing, fundraising, mentoring, reviewing applications, etc. For anyone interested in donating funds or time, the website is: www.esperanzafund.orgScholarship funds are particularly dear to me because as most of my friends know, when I was 14 I received an Albert G. Oliver scholarship available to gifted NYC minority students to attend boarding school. The gift of that education changed my life, and it is why I am so passionate about donating so much of my time to education.Whatever cause you come across that matters to you, I urge you get involved and try to make a difference within your own communities. Especially during these difficult economic times when funds are less available and resources are being cut for so many, it is important that we work together to support those in need-- and it does not have to be with donations, it can just be a few hours of your time. I also think it is a great learning opportunity for young children to realize the value of giving back to society, for truly I can't recall a more [...]