So often I hear clients talk about how their partners failed them or made them miserable– but very rarely can people take some responsibility for their own actions that led to the demise of a relationship. As an outsider that has had to delve deep into divorces for over a decade, it is so easy to see how things can fall apart, but the burning question I’ve had for a while now is how do you make things last?

This week, I was able to listen to two different experts– one a dating coach, the other a life coach– speak about fulfilling relationships. Both suggested that while we all have needs, it is not our partner’s job to meet all of our needs. Some of us require high levels of intellectual stimulation, and as one expert quickly pointed out, that need can be met through books or seminars, not necessarily your partner, who just needs to be your emotional rock. Some of us need to run 4 miles a day just to calm down– that does not mean we need our partners to run along side us, in fact at that moment all I want is my iphone as my best friend.

Women in the 21st century are certainly proving that they can do almost everything on their own– but what is the fun in that? It is great to be self-sufficient and independant– in fact most guys these days don’t want someone that is clingy or needy. Being able to find your own fun in the playground is not only fantastic and healthy, but necessary. Just remember, when you are done playing at the end of the day, it is nice to come home to a gentle soul that helps you forget the rat race and will bring you coffee in the morning– not because he has to, but simply because he loves you.