Some guys are all about big gifts and grand gestures– I guess they think it’s all about making some magnificent impression. But smart girls know to look beyond the flashy presentation, and it is often the small acts of kindness that go a long way– like making someone a perfect cup of coffee; making an effort to open the car door; sending a caring text during the day; or calling at the end of the day to check in. This skill in follow through is unfortunately waning these days, so when you find that rare gem that does not actually need to be trained, make sure you let him know how much you appreciate it.

For those that are not naturally inclined to pay attention to little details, you may need to encourage this behavior with a lot of positive reinforcement. Modeling good behavior is always helpful, and making gentle requests (not demands) helps those that are clueless figure out what to do. If you value the person and being in a relationship, then you may need to be patient teaching this skill. Some may just be hopeless, and then you need to decide whether it is something you can live without. The only way to know is by testing it out. I thought I could learn to live without the small attentions to detail, but now that I am reminded of what it is like to have that in my life I realize that for me, it makes all the difference in the world.