Get your mind out of the gutter– I’m not talking about any body parts here. But when you are sizing up whether someone makes a good partner, there are some things that really do matter:
1. What’s in your wallet? Sad but true, most of us in a post-recession mindset don’t want to get involved with a financial basketcase. Being fiscally responsible is a very attractive feature for both men and women, and neither side wants to be with a gold digger. So if you want to date well, clean up your balance sheet.
2. What’s you dress/pant size? Really, let’s be honest, physical appearance counts for a lot. If you are going to be out on the market, you need to look good. Eating healthy and exercising are not just good for your overall health, these habits will make a huge difference in your sex life. HUGE.
3. What’s your IQ? I’m keeping it real here– no one wants to date or marry down, especially when it comes to brain power. Truly, your ability to understand and connect with each other is going to depend a tremendous amount on how you communicate and relate to one another. Let’s face it, if I was the nerdy chick at the front of the class in 4th grade asking for extra credit work, meanwhile you were the trouble maker at the back of the class getting all Cs and Ds, what on Earth will we have in common now? Nada so sionara.
4. How big is your heart? What I want to know here is how generous are you? Charitable contributions are great, but maybe you only do that once a year for tax purposes, so let’s not base it on that. I mean on a daily basis, how often do you take time out of your own schedule to help someone in need? Are you volunteering for any local organizations? How do you give back to your community? Do you exhibit kindness as part of your everyday routine? This is an important trait.
5. How many tools are in your emotional toolbox? This one is a biggie– a lot of people have very few tools in their emotional toolbox– like maybe 2: a screwdriver and hammer. That’s a real problem. For a relationship to really work, you need a much, much bigger emotional toolbox to assist with conflict resolution, repair work, coping in a healthy way with setbacks and dissapointment. Not many people work on identifying the missing tools they need and doing the work to find them. The size of your toolbox matters immensely, in fact more than any of the other 4 things mentioned above.
By now it should be clear that I joke around a lot, but underlying all my humor are painful truths that I’m trying to shed some light on for everyone else out there. We all struggle with our personal relationships– all of us. Because we are human, we will all make mistakes. About 40% of us will have to go through a very painful recovery process after failing in our own marriages, and yet thankfully most of us will eventually pick up the pieces and move forward.
I believe very strongly in moving on– rip that bandaid off fast, apply some antibacterial cream, and then get back out there, but just remember- Size Does Matter!!!
By Regina A. DeMeo, Esq.