We are all on our best behavior when we first meet someone– not that we are acting but rather we all seek to present our best self.  It’s also easy to get along when you are just having fun, and you don’t have to confront major challenges.  But like the saying goes, all good things come to an end, and sooner or later all couples have to have it out as issues will arise either about different goals, priorities, finances, or commitment.  

As we hash out our differences, we each have to deal with the disappointment that stems from what we expected would be the case versus what in reality our partners are capable of, and if you find that the disappointment has mounted to the level of fury then either your expectations were completely unrealistic or your partner has ceased to be the person you originally fell in love with.  If it is the former, this at least you can work on, but if it is the latter, there isn’t much you can do about that.

It is infuriating when someone changes from being a sweet, loving, easy-going person to a mean, spiteful and argumentative individual.  Essentially, it’s as if they lied to you about who they really are, and it really doesn’t matter whether it was intentional or not.  What does matter is whether they recognize that they are behaving in an inappropriate way, and if they are willing to make an effort to change.  But more often that not, people will blame those around them rather than see any fault in themselves.  It takes a lot of maturity, insight and self confidence to admit that you have some work to do on yourself.

When someone changes on you, it’s easy to feel stupid.  You start to ask yourself whether there were red flags that you ignored.  Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t– either way, the important question is what do you do now with the information that you have?  Can you live with the person you have before you and move forward, or do you need to move on on your own? 

I am all for trying to work things out, but if you are simply miserable together, there comes a point where you have to be able to cut your losses.  If you no longer believe your partner is really sorry for the things s/he says or does and the words “I love you” have lost all meaning between you, it’s time to recognize that what you once had is now gone.  

All good love stories have an amazing beginning and a complicated middle, and in the end if your partner is no longer the person s/he once was, then it is highly unlikely that the relationship will last.  You just need to be true to yourself to figure out what is best for you.  And remember, it’s not your fault if you were sold a bill of goods.  

By Regina A. DeMeo, Esq.