The hardest cases I have ever had all involve clients that share a common view-- they feel their life is over. They tend to believe that the divorce makes a mockery out of their entire married life; they see no glimmer of hope in the future; they regret ever walking down the aisle and saying their vows. In other words, it is nothing but gloom, and their negative attitude taints their ability to properly assess settlement offers and make sound, practical decisions. In the world of psychology, they attribute this to "situational depression." I can only hope to get them out of the legal situation as quickly as possible so they can get to a better place, but if I could interject a non-legal opinion to those that find themselves in this kind of rut, it would be this: try to view life in chapters.I loved being a gymnast and competing across the country. It was an amazing experience to spend summers in Bulgaria or at the Olympic Training Center; I met some of the most talented and dedicated athletes in the world, and when I retired from that world at 18, I was sad-- I lost a huge part of my identity. But I made a choice to focus on academics, and so I closed that chapter of my [...]

When I primarily litigated, I often wondered what made a marriage fall apart. Now when I am mediating or doing a Collaborative divorce, I rarely have any remaining doubt. With both parties in the room, able to speak freely without fear that what is said can be used against them in court, I often witness the dysfunctional dynamic that led them to by office: both have important points to make, but 99% of the time, their delivery of that message sucks.Dr. Gottman has repeatedly warned about the "Four Horsemen" that routinely appear during arguments: (1) criticism; (2) contempt; (3) defensiveness; or (4) stonewalling. As soon as any of these start to creep up in a meeting, it is my job to try and stop it. Unlike Gottman, I am not trying to repair a marriage; I am simply trying to help people address their legal issues so they can go their separate ways, but I constantly find myself having to remind people that negativity does not help, just as focusing on the past is irrelevant when the task at hand requires us to figure out how we are going to move forward.The beauty of mediation or Collaborative cases is that in our sessions, we are able to point out to people better ways of communicating by enforcing certain rules of [...]

Throughout life, I have been repeatedly disappointed whenever close relationships have faded away because someone moved or there was a change in life circumstances, such as a new job, new boyfriend, or new baby. I have also routinely been disheartened when people have not done the right thing, or they seem incapable of looking at a situation from another person's perspective. Yet, the fact is that most people have a hard time juggling multiple relationships, and the "out of sight, out of mind" syndrome seems to be quite prevalent in our society. Having the capacity to view a problem from various angles and to value different perspectives is not a common trait. Over time, these qualities have proven to be a blessing, and also a curse for me.This year, when I found my father and extended family, I had no expectations as to how anyone would react. Precisely because I did not have any expectations in what would transpire, I could only be pleasantly surprised if even one person showed an ounce of kindness. The glorious homecoming was not only made possible because the people I found were so warm and friendly, but also because the bar was set so low in my own mind as to how they would react. This amazingly rare set of circumstances is what enabled [...]