A common problem among divorced people is that we are plagued by self doubt. If we could screw up so royally on something so important, how can we ever really trust our own judgment? I’ve been grappling with this for years, and in my very nerdy way, went on to research some of the best regarded books about relationships from those considered to be gurus in this field. I can now easily recite all their theories, but applying them, well that is a whole other story…

Identifying and conquering our deep-seeded fears are not easy. I thought once this happened, the doubts would all subside. Little did I realize that as a self-defense mechanism, I’ve been laying land mines all over the place- designed to detonate before anyone came close to my most sensative wounds. As the land mines started going off, I was forced to face my biggest challenge yet– I still have not forgiven myself for all those perceived failures that I’ve been carrying around like stones that weigh me down.

Someone recently gave me the book “12 Steps of Forgiveness,” and it suggests that sometimes these grudges we hold fall away like stones, one by one; other times, they can all come crashing down at once. I guess in this case, the path to forgiving myself has gone at a snail’s pace over the last seven years since my marriage fell apart, but for the first time in ages, I feel like I am ready to let the past go.

To be at peace with yourself is the best gift you can give yourself. Remember that no one is perfect, and the best we can do is learn from our mistakes. Once we can accept ourselves for who we are, and forgive any past errors, I truly believe the self doubt will melt away. Rebuilding our own confidence in the judgments we make with respect to our partners is critical to moving forward and finding love once again.